I saw Blue Valentine starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1120985/) this week. It is a story of a marriage destroying itself. Both spouses work against each other. One sees the alcoholism in the other and ‘can’t do this anymore’. The other sees the loveless discontent in the other and is driven to despair. In contrast I also saw Young Victoria with Emily Blunt and Rupert Friend (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0962736/). It is about the coming to power of Queen Victoria and her marriage to Prince Albert. Victoria learns to work alongside her husband and eventually moves his desk into a room with hers so that they can work on matters of state side by side. However, in some ways she has to sacrifice her ‘queen’ attitude to get there.
In Genesis woman was designed to be man’s helper or help meet. She was created second from the side of man. In other words she was man’s equal. They were to work together. It was not good for mankind to be alone and so mankind needed to become community. Even though two become one at marriage, the one married couple has an allied relationship. The allies are man, woman, and God.
This is modeled on God. God is one, but the Godhead is three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God works as an ally with himself. He does not need others because he gets lonely. He has a perfect relationship within himself.
At the Fall a woman’s desire became ‘for her husband’. Some think this means that she would want independence and rule over man in the domestic sphere. However, because a woman has a basic desire to have children she would find herself disenfranchised. Man ruling over woman in Genesis 3 can be seen as a bitter transformation of the harmonious alliance of Genesis 2. However, God did not change his part in the alliance.
God is still our ally, our helper. We are not equal partners. He blazes a trail and shows us the way that life should be lived. He shows us how to be a helper or an ally. In Blue Valentine their relationship crumbled because they demanded that the other person become their ally. In Young Victoria they succeeded because each learned to sacrifice to become the best helper/ally for the other.
Marriage is sometimes very difficult. We can get lost in what we do not have. However, God is available in all his strength. We look to him first and not our spouse. He models self sacrifice on his side of the alliance. When we were still ungrateful enemies, God died for us. We model his love when we die to ourselves and become better allies. Our reward then is from God.
Psalm 54
For the director of music. With stringed instruments. A maskil[b] of David. When the Ziphites had gone to Saul and said, “Is not David hiding among us?”
1 Save me, O God, by your name;
vindicate me by your might.
2 Hear my prayer, O God;
listen to the words of my mouth.
3 Arrogant foes are attacking me;
ruthless people are trying to kill me—
people without regard for God.[c]
4 Surely God is my help;
the Lord is the one who sustains me.
5 Let evil recoil on those who slander me;
in your faithfulness destroy them.
6 I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you;
I will praise your name, LORD, for it is good.
7 You have delivered me from all my troubles,
and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.
Questions
- What two things does the psalmist want God to do?
- How are those who attack the psalmist described?
- How is God’s trail blazing role as a powerful ally emphasized?
- How do you work with God as an ally? What happens when you don’t?
- How can this psalm be an encouragement for someone whose spouse has ceased to be their ally/helper?
Going Deeper
Watch Young Victoria. How is Albert able to be a helper to Victoria? How is Victoria able to become a helper to Albert? What is Lord Melbourne’s view of God? How is Queen Victoria’s view of God shown by her actions?
Blue Valentine is sexually and verbally explicit. It is a harrowing account of dysfunction. The sex and violence do not seem sexy or enticing but seedy and vulgar. If you see Blue Valentine answer the following. How does each spouse cease to be an ally? What does each spouse demand of the other? What does each spouse provide? How could a relationship as dysfunctional as this be redeemed by forming an alliance with God?
Plymothian 